Divorce

Hi Everyone!
        This is a sensitive topic for me. And honestly it is just a sensitive topic in general. My parents were divorced when I was 17 years old. It was a rough reality for me to embrace but soon coped successfully with it. Within 6 months of my parents divorce one of my best friends in High School also had her parents divorce. Divorce is something that just breaks my heart. On my mission I knew several families that the parents were divorced. While I understand that divorce is sometimes appropriate, I believe that too many divorces are happening out of sheer not trying hard enough.
        This evening I had the chance to listen to General Priesthood Session for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In it there were wonderful inspirational talks about needing to try harder to cherishing your spouse. President Uchtdorf, a member of the 1st Presidency of the Church said this, "A good marriage is built brick by brick, day by day". He also said this, "Every family needs saving." These words struck me deep. As members of the Priesthood we were taught that if you want to find the good things in life you will, you will also find the bad things if that is what you are looking for. The point was that too many people are not looking for the good things in their marriage. Wanting to "trade in for the newest thing, finding that their spouse is not young enough, smart enough, fun enough." This mindset is poison to marriages. If you want to make it work you will. Simply put. The Lord Jesus Christ has taught us to give it our best and his grace will make up for the rest.  A marriage that is centered around Christ will be successful. That is one thing I am sure. After hearing these wise words I came home to my wife and just wanted her to know that I loved her so dearly. She truly is the love of my life, I want her to know that I will always look for the Good in her and our Marriage. I hope some of you find a sense of drive to push forward and make these good things in life good!

Parenting

Hi Everyone!

       I often wonder how I am going to raise my children with my wife. Sometimes it frightens me but many a times it brings me excitement and that desire to connect with my children and guide them throughout their life. While my parents parenting styles were not perfect they were perfect for who I am. Now that I am an adult I look back often with gratitude in my heart for how my parents raised me. 

       My parents like I said were not perfect but they always let me know how much they loved me. Now I could go on and on about each thing my parents did to parent me, but what I am going to boil it down to this: Loving unconditionally. As my parents did this it created a strong trust between both my mom and my dad. The other thing it created was mutual respect. My father would tell me often, "I love you unconditionally". He would always emphasize the unconditionally part. Because he did this I knew that whatever I did I knew he would love me regardless. This fueled me to want to be a good son for both my mom and dad. 

        In this day and age that is one thing I want to do for my kids. They will know that their father loves them, they will also know that I am their parent and that even if they do not like something it does not mean that I do not love them. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I heard some great council that I will have to raise my children differently than my parents raised me. I was also told that it is not impossible. Active parenting is the cure to having successful families. Successful does not mean flawless, it means its achieving its purpose in raising future families and members of society. 

$Finances!$

Hey Everyone!!
      This is such a fun topic. Finances can be stressful and sometimes I wonder why does such a thing even exist? It would make my life so much easier if we didn't have to worry about finances.
       On my LDS mission my companion and I began teaching a man named Arsenio, he was a very smart man when it came to finances and about how to be successful in life. One thing he said that will forever stick with me is this, "Your not poor, your broke. Poor is a mindset and being broke is only temporary". He went on to tell my companion and I that we can be whatever we want to be! He said things that just made me want to stand up and cheer. Finances are important in life. They teach us great things such as being disciplined and responsible. We however choose how we accept these teachings. Sometimes we don't accept them very well and have to learn the hard way.
       When your single finances aren't so hard because you only have to worry about yourself but when you get married there is now 2 people in the equation. In my head sometimes I wonder "How are we ever going to make things work money-wise?", we have so much to take care of.
       One principle that always brings me back down to feeling secure again is the Lords principle of tithing. For those who do not know what this is, It is when you give back to the Lord 1/10th of your income where he uses it to build up his kingdom here on earth. As a kid I found this principle harder to follow because I was selfish and only wanted to spend my money and stuff I didn't need however, the Lord makes us a promise in the Bible. In Malachi 3:10 the Lord teaches this "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."
      Through this simple financial principle my wife and I have always been able to make ends meet. The Lord knows how hard it is for us to just give up our money that we work so hard for, but is he not the one that has blessed us with everything we have in life? The Lord will never let you go without when you show him you love him by keeping his commandments. I hope some of you found this uplifting:)

Communication

Hi Everyone!
      Have you ever wondered what life would be like if we could not communicate with each other? If we did not know how or understood what it meant? Would it be frustrating to you? What if you were the only one who could not communicate with others? Some of these questions I have found myself wondering about and wondering how well I would do. I came to the conclusion that I would not do so well. 

      Communication is beyond invaluable. However it is a skill and just does not come in perfect package with step by step instructions. There are so many kinds of communication from verbal, body, emotional etc. Now what does communication mean for a marriage and for a family? How well do you think either system would function if members in the marriage or family do not know how to communicate with each other? What would happen in times of crisis? One thing that I have found is communication with my spouse can be difficult but it also brings me peace and makes me feel not lonely. Having to learn how to communicate with my wife has not been easy but it has been a step by step practice that we are both getting the hang of.  We now know how we both best communicate in times of stress, happiness, sadness, anger etc. 

      Another form of communication that I found probably the most important is the communication skill of listening. Learning to listen communicates that you are loving and caring and that what someone has to say is important. Sometimes not saying anything at all is the best thing you can say to someone. 

       The whole point of this though is that communication does not come over night. Its a process and if you want to get better at it then you need to practice. With that practice you will learn how good you actually are at communicating and can be a great help to others around you who may struggle:) 

Dealing with Family Stress!

Hi Everyone!

       Oh man I think any one person can write pages and pages on the stress of life and how much stress they have! I am no different. I could write pages and pages on all the different kinds of stress there are in my life right now. 

       There are so many kinds of stress in our life, from marriage, kids, school, work etc. But how are the best ways to cope with the stresses of life and is stress good for us? Coming from a family of many stressful events I have seen the situations that have made us stronger and I have seen the stresses that some of us did not deal with so positively. In my own experience I have found that when we cope with stress in a negative way we do not find as much appreciation for the lessons life has to offer. I believe there is a reason for everything in life. There is a lesson in everything. In my Family class we learned that stress is actually good for us. It helps us to push and be motivated. I also know that stress is not desired, its not sought out for and its not wished upon. But as part of life it happens. 

      Family life is probably one of the most stressful environments! There is always something to compete for or there is always something that will come up in life that will either pull us all together or put drifts between each member of the family. Just depends on how you want to deal with it. My parents raised us to not give up and to not let a stressful situation beat us down or win. So in life I have tried to look at each stressful experience as something that I can conquer and learn from. I have looked at them as something that once I have learned I can place in my toolbox of life and I will have something to draw upon if it happens again or if someone close to me struggles. 

      I am not perfect in handling my stress, sometimes I do not handle it well and I do not learn much from those times. I learn that I can do better and I try the next time and the next time. But I am grateful for the stress in my life because it keeps me motivated to be a better person for those who are in my life. After learning about the different kinds of coping methods I am excited to implement new ones in my life. 

The Birds and the Bees

Hi everyone!
     We had very interesting conversations in class last week about sexuality and how it is viewed as well as some of the worldly trends and or issues in involved with this specific topic.
     I have been raised in a strong religious background and funny enough in our class discussions evidence showed that those teens who are more religious are less likely to engage in sexual relations prior to marriage. I was raised all my life knowing that sex was something meant for marriage. I give great thanks to my parents and their discretion as well as their concern in teaching me about the sacredness, blessings as well as the consequences in regards to sexuality.
     I have strong feelings that if youth were taught about sex by their parents at an appropriate age or as early as they feel it is appropriate then chances are less likely for their to be promiscuous behavior. I knew growing up that it was a big deal and not something to mess around with if I didn't want to take very large chances in having my life spiral out of control.  My parents did not raise me with the understanding that sex was horrible, they explained to me the intended purpose of it, and how much great maturity and commitment are important in this specific regards. Along with church leaders and other mentors I was grateful to have been taught that such a beautiful thing did not have to be feared but that it did need to be respected! And with respect especially towards my God, I believe in the sacredness of it and the love that is expressed between husband and wife. I know that we can make a great difference in the lives of our children if we just educate them and teach them from the beginning that this is something that needs to be respected and that the purpose of it comes from a very loving Father in Heaven. The world needs more people who will stand up for their belief in helping teens and adolescents stay abstinent!

Marriage: The Joining of Two Lives

     Growing up, I knew I always wanted to be married. However I did not see the hardships and the teamwork of both my mom and my dad. In my eyes, they were just my parents who I knew loved me. I was too focuses on just the being their child. I do not remember conversations they had about how their marriage was going or how they felt they were leading the family because like I said, I was too busy playing on old Ronald Mcdonald's Childrens Play Place.
     Now having been married, even though not for too long at all I have those conversations with my wife all the time. We will just be sitting at dinner together or we will go out for our date nights and we will have conversations on how we want to raise our family or things we would like to work on to make our marriage stronger. Marriage isn't just you get married, join two lives and there are no issues what so ever. It takes work. It take communication, love, compromise, understanding, compassion, empathy etc. Everyone word you can use to describe teamwork is how marriage is. Joining two lives and making one new life is a glorious thing! Its a hard thing, but a beautiful thing that you cant just say you did it and wont work on it.
      I have thought recently that marriage is like planting a beautiful flower. Yes, this will get a little sappy. However the principle I think is very much applicable. Planting a flower takes a lot of work if you want to to thrive and be beautiful. You have to prep the soil, providing a good environment as well as conditions for planting it. You have to plant the seed in the soil and then after you do that you cannot just leave it to do its thing. Marriage takes careful nourishment and attention. You have to continue to water the flower and provide proper sunlight for growth. You have to pull weeds around the flower so that it will remain healthy, allowing it to thrive more beautifully. There is a lot of work if you plan to be serious in planting and maintaining a beautiful flower. Same goes for a marriage. There are lots of challenges and lots of wonderful memories that contribute to making the flower bloom. I love being married to my wife. It teaches me everyday ways in which I can become a better person. I would not trade it for anything because nothing even comes close to comparing.

Cultural Differences

      I come from a very culturally diverse background. My grandmother on my dads side is actually from Great Britain and my mom is from Lima, Peru. I grew up with a guess you would call the best of both worlds. My dad is very much American however he married my mom, a Hispanic lady. I grew up knowing some of the things that my grandma loved from her country. I'm not sure if James Bond completely counts but I like to think so. I heard Spanish from my mom growing up and began to pick up on the language and learned to communicate with my Grandparents as well as other uncles and aunts. I loved the idea growing up that I has half Hispanic even though I look very American.
      I got to see both sides of life from my dad and my mom. They did an amazing job as I grew up to combine the cultures so that us kids knew where we came from. The one thing that I see now as I look back is neither my mom nor my dad thought the other ones culture was superior or inferior. They looked at each other as equals and respected each others culture. My dad encouraged us to learn about my moms background as well as he taught us about where his family came from. Obviously my parents had no issue with cultural equality because I don't think they would have been married had they had a problem.
      Well fast forward to the now. I am married and I am married to a Hispanic woman. Her family is from El Salvador. Spanish is the primary language for my in laws which is great because it keep my Spanish sharp so I can communicate. Also its been a fun process talking things out with my wife on what different cultural traditions we would like to have our children raised with. I love my wife's family and see them as an equal loving family. Isn't that what the ultimate goal is? To be happy in life. It doesn't matter where you come from. We are all here to reach that same goal. Happiness.

How Do You Know You're In Love?

       This week was very interested in my Family Relations class. I'm truly cherishing the things I have been learning in this class. They have become valuable and eye opening for me. This week I have been extra excited to share this blog post. Being how it is Valentines Day weekend I really wanted to brag and talk up my beautiful wife! My wife's name is Estefani and she truly is my best friend.
       Growing up as a family, we faced some very emotional, spiritual, and difficult trials. It was very hard for me as well as my siblings'. Okay, now jump forward in time. When I met my wife I had one distinct thought, and that was that I had felt like she was the big and special blessing that God had been preparing for me for making it through all the hard trials I faced growing up. Now having had her in my life and knowing what she has done to help me change and become a better person. I would go through that hard trial ten times over and over if I had known that my sweet wife was the one who was waiting at the finished line for me. Now a new race has begun. The race of life that is married and starting our family.
    In class this week we learned about different meanings of love. The first one is Storge which is the kind of affection that you would find between parents and their children. The second one is Philia which is the kind of love that you would find between friends. The third one is Eros. We get erotic from this word which is a kind of sexual love. According to my text book "Aristotle said that eros makes people long to be in each others presence" (Chapter 6, Falling in Love, Marriage and Family The Quest for Intimacy, Page 131.) The fourth kind of love is Agape. This love is the kind of of selfless love, you act for the betterment of another person.
      Now one question you might want to ask yourself is which one makes for the relationship? What kind of love is a lasting love that will carry you through the hard times as well as the good times? In my own opinion I would say that a successful relationship should have all these kinds of love. Why? Because it is a well rounded kind of love to adapt to each kind of experience and or trial that life will throw at you. I guess the trick is to balance each one out in a relationship or perhaps to find out how to even incorporate one. I'm grateful to say that the foundation of my wife and I's relationship has a base of each of these. Now in no way is it perfect. It takes work to balance each one. And it could be very easy to completely neglect one if you are not paying attention. However a thought I had was that each one of these kinds of love grow with experience and a delicate amount of attention you give it. My wife has each one of these. She teaches me so much and she is truly such a gifted person. I feel like my love for her grows everyday. I knew I was in love with her as I got to know her. I got to know how she was as a person. I got to see her in rough situations, happy situations, and loving situations. I think the real answer to know you know in your love based on the kind of person you are.

Gender Roles in my Family

     I wanted to take time to brag about my little sister for this post! She is one of my best friends and our family would NOT be the same without her. She is the only sister in our family and she holds her role in our family very well:) We all love her so much. There is nothing we wouldn't do for her. Honestly, I absolutely love making her laugh. I know I was successful when she laughs at one of my jokes or one of my "older brother acts of stupidity". 
     My sister, brother and I all were raised with the same goal but also differently in some aspects because my brother and I were the boys and our sister was the girl.  Our parents raised us to love and respect one another. We were raised to become good men and to love and support the women in our lives. My sister was raised to be loving and nurturing. She always will be that way. She has helped me in so many ways when I went through my tough times. She was there to help me sort out my stuff. In different times of our lives we would be able to help each other by offering some different part of our personality in order to help the others. We as brothers and my sister really balanced each other out. We were a good team together. We have each others backs even though we play different positions and are coached appropriately.  
      We all played our "role" in the family. We all had our chores to do. We were all expected to do well in school, we were expected to get a job and become self reliant. My sister always held her ground against us brothers. It was kind of a typical sister rule. She didn't like it when we just waltzed into her room and touched her stuff. She takes lots of pride in the decorations in her room. She also expected us to respect her just for that fact that she was our sister and a lady. That was something our dad had instilled in us boys young. We were to respect our sister and our mom. No exceptions. And while sometimes it got in the way of teasing her or giving her a hard time it really carried through our young adult years. Nothing has changed. We still love and respect her. She is the "sister" of our family. And while we had the same expectations from our parents we obviously went about them different way. Even though that was different in our parents raising a daughter versus sons, the goal was the same. To be self reliant, respectable, to love one another and over all to become respectable members of society. 

Family Systems

     Everyone has the family clown, peacemaker, homebody, blacksheep, perfect child etc. It truly makes for an interesting environment. In my family relations class this week we learned about family systems. We learned how everyone has a role in the family. Each role contributes to making the family system function. We also learned how without each role the system would not function properly.
     I spent lots of time reflecting on my own family and how our system functions. My little brother would be considered the baby of the family and everyone loves to spoil him. My younger sister is the middle child and would be considered the independent one. I am the oldest and the oldest brother. I am considered the peacemaker and protector of the family. We all however are very funny children so the funny child role award goes to all of us! Together as the children subsystem the comedy is never ending. I absolutely love my siblings. My dad would have been considered the enforcer and my mom in my eyes was considered the "cool" mom. She always loved to spoil us and just loved us so genuinely. There was a perfect balance between my mom and dad as our parents. In our family it was very easy to see everyone playing their role. When someone in my family wasn't playing their role or when there was contention among any of us there was a disruption in our family system. And like any other family we had our fair share of sibling fights or arguments with our parents. Its all part of life.
      As we all grew older, we all tried more and more to not only manage our own family role but we wanted to help one another. As I continue to think about my family and how our system ran I think about how it would have ran had one of us just left or abandoned our family role. It would not have been the same. There would have been something missing. Something that would have placed a depression on the family. We have relied so heavily on another throughout life that we became the most loyal of teams. Learning about family systems really made me appreciate my family more and because of this I will pass this onto my future family!

My Life Long Best Friends

     Life is a long road full of hardships, success, love, anger, accomplishment etc. Its a road that I have found is not a fun one to travel alone. While at times the road of life may only allow one traveler at a time its always been the best when you have those life long best friends that will travel the road with you no matter what. 

     Hardships and family trials brought me, my younger sister Alejandra and my younger brother Nicco into a relationship so close that the only way to describe it would be the formation of becoming best friends. We looked out for each other, we loved each other, we protected each other and every time life threw something else at us we just grew closer making it harder and harder to be separated. As each year passed our friendship became more mature and we appreciated each other more.

     Point in life came where we had grown up to the point where we had to start taking different paths in life in order to truly live up to the potential we had all discovered in ourselves together. I decided to serve and LDS Mission and left to teach the Gospel at 19 years old. My siblings grew and changed while I was away and I came to the realization that when I was to return home our childhood would be over. The next chapter in life would begin. Thinking about this scared me a little but when I returned home there was that familiar feeling when I hugged both of them again. Childhood may have been over but that special friendship had not weakened even at the slightest. 

      Since returning I have began my college experience and I married my best friend. Every time we decide to come down to visit every minute is cherished as best friends catch up and spend time updating the life map together. I do not know if I could have handled anything in life having not had my siblings by my side. I am never lonely. Family has been the most sacred and important part of my life. I hope that when the day comes when my wife and I start our family that our kids will be just as close finding that love and peace that comes from having a close family. Family is what we have at the end of day. Not a minute should be taken for granted. Each minute should be cherished. My siblings will always be my life long best friends.

   

Introduction: Family 160

     I am excited to write about my views and feelings on such a tender subject as family. As a newly married Husband, I have come to realize how important the role of each member of a family is. I hope to use what I learn throughout this class in my daily life, as well as in my professional life after finishing school. I am currently studying to be a juvenile counselor. I hope to help adolescents from broken homes to not lose faith in family and in themselves.